paper flowers and perspective

There are moments in my life that upon contemplation, I can say with certainty that I’ve felt an intervention from God…a whisper (or in some cases a shout) from the Holy Spirit seeming to say “Pay attention! This is important.” While many of these instances have revolved around “big” things…obvious life changing shake-ups, today’s unmistakable kick in the butt came from an unusually ordinary place...

We’ve had a crazy day. Sunday’s are usually frantic, as I’m often flying solo, getting the kids out to church, while Fred is getting ready to go or typically already been at work for several hours. Add Mother’s Day, Pavin’s Baby Dedication and thunderstorms with a tornado warning in the mix and you’ve got the makings for a rocky start at best. Thankfully, we had Daddy with us for the first part of the day.

After realizing that neither of the two vehicles we needed to drive to church were in the dry confines of the garage, we proceeded to wrangle a three year old and a sleeping infant into the thick of it. Needless to say, the work of my fancy new flat iron has completely demolished in about 2 seconds.

We arrived in the sanctuary, no more than two minutes prior to the dedication. As soon as we walked off the stage, Freddy kissed me goodbye and ran to catch the ferry. After returning the kids to their classes, I ran into a friend who said, “You look great…too bad you have to drop those extra weight watcher points for breastfeeding moms now that Pavin’s started eating solids.” What? Crap…So much for the chocolate flower on a stick they gave out in the lobby.

Church ends and the kiddos and I head through the puddles and muddy gravel to our car. Immediately a strange rustle and flailing starts from behind me. Turns out it’s the sound of my daughter cleaning her dirty, wet mary janes on the back of my seat and surrounding upholstery. The flailing builds into an all out war with the dirty shoes, as they have to be removed immediately. Insert fit here…

So I enter the house (which looks like the previously mentioned tornado ran through after our tear out of it earlier) with a fit pitching toddler, now screaming hungry infant and dogs barking relentlessly. Pavin proceeds to eat, puke and poop nearly simultaneously, while Gracen screams to watch “that chocolate factory movie” again.

I begin to lament the fact that in the chaos, we have no family/mommy and kid pictures from the morning, no photos of the dedication and no keepsake to give to Pavin to remember his special day. Self pity rears its ugly head. I trudge on, attempting to prepare my Mother’s Day lunch of lean cuisine ravioli for me and chicken nuggets for Gracen…which she then refuses to eat. Insert fit #2 here. As I head back to the fridge for the next round, I can honestly feel myself loosing it…really going out of my mind. I have a split second thought of what it might be like to run down to the nearest psych ward and check myself in…like a spa for crazy people. Whether I said it out loud or not, I’m not sure, but a seemingly rhetorical, “Lord help me!” escaped me. And here’s what he said…

As I shut the refrigerator door, the paper flower Gracen made in sunday school drifted to the floor. Admittedly, my first thought was “Great! Something else to pick up!” But then, immediately…with no logical reference point or tangent to bring them to mind, the faces of four moms I know flashed in my head, one right after another. The impact of their images literally brought everything to a standstill.

Because the truth is, these four women are having a very different day than I am. No, they aren’t off at a fancy retreat getting a massage, being showed with gifts and affection or basking in the sun at the beach. Honestly, any one of them would trade circumstances with me in an instant and fight me for that paper flower. Two of them are missing the children they’ve lost so badly it’s breaking them in half. While the others are praying with every ounce of their being that they will still be here with their babies this time next year. Insert abject humility and on my knees prayer here.

Are you kidding me? Muddy shoes, fizzy hair and uneaten chicken nuggets? This is what I’m upset about? These minuscule, insignificant little blips mean nothing even in the course of a day, much less retain any real significance. Any of these women God has put on my heart today would give all they had and them some to hold that precious little pipe cleaner stem in one hand and the sticky little fingers of their child in the other. Who am I to diminish the absolute privilege, honor and blessing the Lord has provided me in making me a mom? What is it in me that draws me to spout out all of the inconveniences of the day instead of the joys? We were given the gift of dedicating a child to the glory of the Lord today for goodness sake! I obviously needed perspective.

Father, forgive me and right my heart. Raise me up to the calling that you have for me in my gift of motherhood. May it be the hysterical happiness you provide in a million and one ways and not the tiny little annoyances that overflow from my heart. Above all…let my children find you in me as I do in them.

I also said a prayer for those moms that God used to move in me today. (I hope you will too!) These women are a beacon to me for the simple fact that they have breath left and even more so for the fact that they give Christ the credit and praise for every one they take. Peace, healing and love to you.

Whew…a little heavy for the Denton Family blog, huh? Here’s the thing. I’m not a bible scholar. (I was the worst Bible Drill competitor in the history of Cedar Hills Baptist School.) But I know enough to understand that when God speaks to you as loudly as he did to me today, you can’t contain it. This definitely wasn’t the mother’s day I wanted, hoped for or expected. But it was definitely the one I needed.

So now with both monkeys napping and the first season dvds of Friday Night Lights (Thanks, Kimberly!) waiting for me, I’m off to break into that chocolate flower and worry about the weight watcher points (and all other things) another day.

I sign off with two photos of my precious little loves.


This one showers me with smooches and makes my sides hurt from laughing.


And this one…this one just melts my heart.